Drink Assumptions

Since we've had a few weeks out of lockdown and we've all gone for a beveragino in a bar/restaurant at least once and order your favourite drink, have you ever thought of what your local bartender thinks of your order?

Well I'm here to give you some insider knowledge 😉 This is from my 3 years bar experience and seeing many people waltz in and out of my doors.

Just a quick disclaimer (because I don't want to ruin any ones fun), that all assumptions are meant to be my take on humour. Please don't come at me thinking this is all facts. kisses xx

Let's start off with a classic...

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Pornstar Martini

This is a newer cocktail that has become a classic, however the stereotypical people who buy these in bars tend to be loud and will generally be annoying after 3. It's a basic bev that is loved by the younger generation, but the older the person is whilst ordering the funnier they think they are and attempt to flirt whilst ordering such as "too many of these and I might turn into a pornstar" ...just no, please no

Ingredients:

• 25ml Vanilla Vodka

• 25ml Passoa

• 25ml Vanilla Syrup

• 25ml Passionfruit Puree

• 50ml Pineapple Juice

• 25ml Prosecco (on the side)

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Negroni

The type of people who order negronis tend to be older and tend to complain and say its too weak or too strong never say its just right. When they complain it's too weak I want to look at them and tell them "its 3 ingredients and they're all alcohol, what u want me to do put pure ethanol in your drink?"

Ingredients:

• 25ml Gin

• 25ml Vermouth

• 25ml Campari

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Corona

Coronas typically think that they're proper funny especially after lockdown

"I'll take a corona minus the virus" and laughes after...

Your jokes weren't funny the the first 4 times you ordered mate 😉

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Old Fashioned

You drink this if you like the taste of whiskey and nothing else. It's a drink that most of the time the eldest person in the group drinks, like the parent of the group. You definitely have some niche interests (maybe sadism) and you love to see bartenders suffer as Old Fashioneds are one of the longest cocktails to make.

Ingredients:

50ml Whiskey

25ml Lemon Juice

25ml Sugar Syrup

2 drops Bitters

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Espresso Martini

You love caffeine.

That's it.

Bartenders who have a coffee machine on their bar and have to make fresh espresso every time this drink is ordered want to cry...just talking from experience.

Ingredients:

25ml Vanilla Vodka

25ml Coffee Liqueur

25ml Vanilla Syrup

50ml Espresso

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Guinness

There are 4 types of Guinness drinkers and thats it.

You're 50+

You're awkward as heck and 'forget' to order the Guinnesses until I've put the rest of your order through the till.

You're hungover and its your hangover cure aka hair of the dog

It's St. Patrick's Day and you claim to be 1/16ths Irish

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Long Island Iced Tea

Upon ordering this type of person will ask their bartender to make it strong, hen how strong do you want it there are 5 different spirits/liqueurs in this drink and 2 additional ingredients what you want me to do?

or someone will order this because they don't want to remember the evening

Ingredients:

25ml Vodka

25ml White Rum

25ml Tequila

25ml Gin

25ml Triple Sec

25ml Lime Juice

Top with Coke

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Sex on The Beach

This is one of the basic drinks that are generally bought in pitcher jugs and a lot of the time you order this because of the name but blush every time you attempt to order it. Typically the people ordering this are new to drinking because it just tastes like juice.

Ingredients:

25ml Vodka

25ml Peach Schnapps

Half Cranberry Juice

Half Orange Juice

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Daiquiri

From my own recent experience, Daiquiri drinkers are usually 'Karens' and they'll order this drink when it's not on the menu and expect the servers, bartenders, cooks to bend to their every whim and expectation.

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Mojito

If you drink this cocktail you are very basic as mojitos are staples of most bars.

Technically mojitos are just sugary lime water and but mojito drinkers are very particular of how mojito-y their mojito is

Ingredients:

Mint

25ml White Rum

25ml Lime Juice

25ml Sugar Syrup

Top with Soda

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Cosmopolitan

You definitely think you're proper classy but in fact you've just been ripped off to enjoy a lovely vodka cranberry x

You can get a double for cheaper hen xx

Ingredients:

25ml Vodka

25ml Triple Sec

1 Freshly squeezed Lime Wedge

50ml Cranberry juice

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Blue Lagoon

A Bright blue cocktail that isn't that great but will only get ordered because of the colour!

Usually only ordered in a spoons as well oops xx

Ingredients:

25ml Vodka

25ml Blue Curacao

25ml Lime Juice

Top with Lemonade

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Zombie

This drink is lethal, you either have a very very high alcohol tolerance or you want to wake up on the floor outside your house the next morning.

You drink these to get DRUNK.

I'm not putting the ingredients here for this one as they're all slightly different, just know there are 4 different rums and overproof in this drink! a MADNESS!

Also the Zombie I used to drink at uni had Tequila and Wrey & Nephew that got set on fire inside half a lime, if anyone can find me this recipe I'll luv u 5eva x

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Pink Gin

If you order this you are one of two people, you drink this because it tastes like juice and won't realise that you're drunk until a few in and will struggle walking out of the door or you claim to like gin but will never have a standard gin, it will always be flavoured and that you tried Gordon's once and hated it.

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Prosecco

"Let's just get a bottle it'll be cheaper" after buying three glasses.

These people tend to be ones who go for a classy bottomless brunch or afternoon tea with no expectations to stay out drinking but end up drinking 20 drinks and on a night out after.

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IPAs

You're 100% a hipster but call yourself indie and have a beard.

(Bonus points: if your wear beanies, dunagrees and doc martens x)

Honestly it's quite a boring choice compared to the other bevs out there

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and finally... Cement Mixers

You're on a lads night out and its a dare or you're at uni and are part of a sport or society and bonus assumption, it's a Wednesday night.

This is the worst shot known to man, most people cant handle this shot made up of Baileys and Lime Juice as you swish it around your mouth, it'll begin to curdle and I've seen many a person immediately run to the bathroom.

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Happy Drinking... and please be nice to your bartenders at this time xx